Old entries

January 26, 2015

I couldn’t even bring myself to write a full entry yesterday…maybe it’s because everything I thought I knew or thought was real was wrong and fake. I don’t even know if I can let it off my chest without crying uncontrollably…something I thought that defined me…I don’t even know how to explain it poetically, so I guess I’ll just explain it Ryo Hazuki Style.

Got into the University of Houston…

Decided to major in composition…

They never had a composition and Percussion major…

Therefore my classes collided….and they couldn’t give two shits.

I needed more books than the ones they put on the syllabus…

When two of my classes were going on at the same time I just kept staring and did nothing…

They made me retake all of my ACC classes…

They wouldn’t give me a practice key…

They screwed me over…

Couldn’t get the books in time for the assignments…

I got 4 zeroes right off the back…

I would’ve been dropped from one or both the colliding classes eventually…so….

I dropped out… completely.

There you go. During all of that I masked my emotions saying…I’ll just go to the original plan and become a pharmacy tech, get a job, have a band, and that will be that…That’s actually what I’m working on…They just took away my dreams didn’t they…and no…I couldn’t do anything about it no matter how hard I tried…they just threw everything right back at me in the face…laughing…I never want to go to any University ever again…I don’t care if I make only a little bit of money…I don’t care to retire. Why retire? So I can just sit around and die? There’s no point. I might as well get the Pharmacy tech job and do the original plan…either that or I should just kill myself. Stop crying…ever since I dropped I’ve been studying for the PTCB exam and hopefully I’ll pass it…get over the unknown and just be okay like everyone else is. I’m not exactly sure how hard the exam is, but it even if I fail it more than once it’ll still be a faster route than going to a university, retaking two years’ worth of music classes and then becoming a “band director” and working with pedophiles…see that’s what I have to tell myself…to make myself feel better…I have to tell myself that I’m going to get it big…you’ll see one day. I just keep telling myself that…but is it even all true?

I’m starting a new band with more people other than just me and my bro…added Anthony and Tyler…and no…I don’t know what’s going to happen…but I can already sense Anthony has something against how the band is going and it hasn’t even started yet. My plan is to make ten or eleven songs, play gigs, record and then what happens happens…I think we’ll be a good band, but even good bands like As tall as Lions…just don’t make it. I guess that’s life…but then again, there are some that do. I don’t know of any new good bands that are out there these days. Then again…I’ve been listening to other styles lately. I’m a little jealous of Tyler because of how good he is, but I know I have to put that aside and do what’ll make the music sound the best…but I’m still singing…in fact we’ll all be singing. That’s the way I envision it. I think Anthony has different ideas…but then again I don’t know. We already had a rehearsal and will have another one tomorrow. Hopefully it’ll go well. We won’t just blow off the sheet music…if we do I think I’ll … well I don’t know…

January 27, 2015

Well this is a journey I suppose right? It’s like I have all this music and ideas that I have no idea what to do with it………

February 3, 2015

Man…sorry I haven’t written in a while, I’ve been trying to get my life together I guess. Trying to see what exactly this “game” is all about. I have a schedule for now that’ll probably change soon.  Basically every day of the week I go through six pages of that pharmacy book. Or at least I try to…sometimes something’s take too long… like Raeleen or band practice. Tuesdays and Saturdays my “new band” comes over and we rehearse and stuff. Usually after I study I work on my Youtube project, but now I have to work on some band stuff too. So yeah I guess you can say I’m keeping myself busy…though today I kind of slacked off.

I learned that no matter what you do in life, you have the power to make time for the things that you love to do. Do you like to watch TV? Then you’ll find time for it. Same thing applies to everything else. Maybe that’s what life is all about. When I dropped out of U of H, I had this vision where I get a band and go for it, but now I’m thinking more realistically. Sure I’ll get a band, but what are the chances that they would all drop everything in their lives and just leave with me? The best thing I could do now is get a job that can support myself, work on this band and the Youtube project and just live my dream that way. As long as I don’t stop what I’m doing then I’m really not a failure huh?

I just have to keep on trucking along. Never give up…just like John Cena tells me. Well I better get back to work. I need to find better times to write in here.

February 7, 2015

So I guess I’ll start writing in here when I wake up. Maybe that’s just the best time to do it…after all it does give me kind of a mental warm up. Today is Saturday, but I don’t have to teach Mya today because well they gave me the day off. That’s cool. Means I could study more. Saturdays also mean that I have my band over. There is a lot going on with myself right now isn’t there? I’m probably more busy now than I would be at the university, and yet I still have time to write in here. Ha…so maybe not.

That aside though, I think the study test stuff is going fine. I’m going through the book, but after or during learning the top 200 drugs. Baby steps start with like mastering ten a day or something. All things take time…that’s what I’ve learned anyway. It takes time to write music, study, or to do anything. All you have to do is plant the seeds and be patient…oh and tender the crop of course. I often wonder how this band is going to turn out. The good thing about it is that I think it’s still considered my band…but sooner or later egos might get involved and someone is going to want us to sound one way instead of another…but I don’t know. Today we’ll be working on Tyler’s song by just playing with it and seeing how it goes. I don’t think I’m going to mess with it which is what I originally planned with all of the songs. I do have some ideas with it, but it’s not my song…I think Tyler has some ideas to add to. I don’t want to seem like a control freak and piss everyone off.

There was also a possibility of a female singer which has a bunch of pros and cons…but I don’t know. I’ll talk to Anthony about it. It would be cool to have a member of the band just sing and focus on that, but at the same time I don’t know how committed she would be…but I guess that’s something to think about in the future. Not today though. Starting that Youtube show too which is scary…I tried to do something like this with music, but got no bites…because people don’t look up music, they just go on the “what’s popular” tab…so it’s a gaming show because people are always looking for new shows. I think I’ll make five of them and kind of copy the Happy Gamer’s Style. I should also come up with names for the band…I have a few, but no one likes them…maybe I should think of another Wrestling move.

“Just do whatever the Fuck you wanna do”

That’s a quote by him. The Happy Gamer. I have to keep doing it…even if it doesn’t get an audience at first. I mean did I see Happy Gamer’s first video? No. So all in all this will probably be just practice. All in all it is kind of scary. I’ll be showing my face because I can’t show too many pictures…or I’ll get flagged. So I have to go about this route….I remember thinking back in December….it was all supposed to be about a university…my god…what the hell happened?  This next song I’m working on is kind of about all of that U of H stuff. You know how they just fucking took my dream job away from me and told me I couldn’t have it. Fuck them…I can’t wait to shove it to all the people who tell me I can’t do this.

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